Numb
by Rose1991
Summary: What happens when Lucius finds his son's diary, and doesn't like what's written. What if he found out Draco had a secret life he had hidden from his parents. One with a son and a wife they had never met. One-shot Song Fic. Numb: Linkin Park


Disclaimer: I don't own any thing you recognize. Numb (the song) is owned by Linkin Park, and the Harry Potter characters are owned by JK. Everything else is mine.

AN: I don't have much to say except for I hope you like it and please remember to review! This is like, really old. Okay, not to old, just like two years. I originally wrote it for , and it was well received there, and I'm figuring I might want to post this to a bigger audience, so here! Please remember to review!

_**M**_: for cursing, death/murder, and racism (because we all know Lucius is racist)

**Numb**

_Tired of being what you want me to be,  
Feeling so faithless. Lost under the surface.  
Don't know what you're expecting of me.  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes._

Caught in the undertow,  
Just caught in the undertow.

Every step that I take  
Is another mistake  
to you.

I've become so Numb,  
I can't feel you there.  
Become so tired,  
So much more aware.  
I'm becoming this.  
All I want to do,  
Is be more like me,

And be less like you.

July 17th, 1997  
Hey,

I don't know how to talk to a diary or something. I think it's lame. My mom bought it for me to write down my private thoughts. You know, the ones that'll burst out of you at the wrong time if you don't tell the right person. Well, at the moment, you're my only "right" person. Oh, if you're wondering the occasion for them buying me this expensive notebook, It's my birthday and I just turned 18. I know, exciting! I'm allowed in muggle strip joints! (= If you didn't notice, that was complete sarcasm. You know my father would kill me if I even set a hair inside one.) Anyway, it's getting late, and I'm getting tired. So I'll write to you later.

Your owner (I like the sound of that!)  
Draco.

July 28th, 1997  
Hey,

It's me again! And I'm so excited. Alright, remember last night, I told you that Blaise was taking me and a couple of friends bar hopping. Well, there was one bar that I'll remember forever. No it's not a magic-folk bar. It's for muggles! I know, I can't believe I'm so excited by something that's mugglian! The reason I'll remember it. Simple. I found her. In that bar. I found the woman of my dreams, the one I have sworn as my number one goal to marry, in that bar. I talked to her, because Blaise shoved me into her (accidentally or purposefully I know not.) I can think of nothing but her. Her and her dark silky brown hair and her deep dark brown eyes that swallow you whole in one look. There is only one problem. It happens to be the biggest problem I have ever faced in my life. This girl is a muggle. I have told you already what my father thinks of them. "The ultimate scum of the earth." He talks about them as if you stepped on one, you would have to quickly wipe it off your shoe before its acid gets to you skin. It sickens me.

But seeing her in my thoughts. Her smile. Her laugh. It just wipes everything bad away. She's just such a breath of fresh air. But you must promise not to tell my father! I'll tell you her name. It's Anna.

Draco.

August 13th, 1997  
Hey,

Remember yesterday, I told you that I was going out on a date with Anna? Well, let me tell you about it. I told her. I told her that I was a wizard. I thought she wouldn't believe me until I actually showed her some magic. I was wrong. She was completely open with it. She told me her aunt was a witch, muggle-born. This caught me by surprise, but it made life so much easier. And she doesn't think I'm a freak. Also, today we kissed. Not the normal peck on the cheek. An actual kiss with tongues and everything. I can't believe I'm getting giddy over a kiss. But this one was weird, I liked it, but it was weird. Something felt right about it and I got warm, and when my eyes closed, I saw fireworks. I'll have to look it all up later. Right now I need to sleep.

Draco.

December 9th, 1997  
Hey,

You might think I'm crazy, but I'm not! Anna and I just got married. It was in secret of course. I think my father would have dropped dead of a heart-attack if I told him I was getting married to a muggle. I told my parents that I had to go with Blaise for a work thing and that I wouldn't be back for a week. Blaise knows about us, but promised not to tell anyone. He signed the marriage papers for us along with her sister Camie. They were the only witnesses. Of course she told her parents what was going on. We're off on our honey-moon in Rome. I've gotta' go, my wife (Merlin I love saying that,) is beckoning me.

Draco.

January 30th, 1998  
Sorry, I'm too excited to greet you with the normal formalities! I just found out that Anna is pregnant! Our first. I'm going to be a father, I can't believe it. It's just so surreal! I should sleep, but I can't, I'm too excited! I think I'll just stay up until my mind is tired of thinking of the future. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

Draco.

August 19th, 1998  
Hey!

I am the proud father of a baby boy. He was born at 6:00 pm today. My wife is too tired to hold him right now, so I am. He weighs 9 pounds and 3 ounces. His name is Ciaran. I'm looking at him and all I can say is that he is so beautiful. He looks incredibly like me except for the fact he has his mother's lips and brow. And he has her hands and toes. He has a light amount of blond hair growing from his scalp and along with the Malfoy eyes. He is about as wide awake as I am. Probably thinking about this new world he's entered. At the moment he seems to be transfixed upon my face. Probably curious as to who I am. Not to worry, he'll learn quickly.

As for now, let him wonder. As the saying goes, "Ignorance is bliss," and he sure seems happy.

Draco.

May 3, 1999  
Hey,

It's getting harder to get out of the house now. My father is always asking where I'm going and when will I be back. It's really ridiculous. When will he accept the fact that I am almost twenty years old! And the fact that if he could stay out of my business, everyone's lives would be better! Well I've got to sleep.

Draco.

August 19th, 1999  
Hey,

Today was Ciaran's first birthday. I can't believe a year passed that quickly. He's already crawling and picking up things. Anna and I had both made a bet. The bet was how Ciaran would handle his cake. I said that he'd handle it properly like any Malfoy. She said that he'd probably sink his head into it face first. She was right. So I had to pay her 20 pounds. I carry muggle money around with me now because I have a family in the muggle world. Well it's my turn to read the bedtime story so I'll write you later.

Draco.

March 28, 2000  
Hey,

Ciaran said his first word today. "Dad." Can you believe it? He's already walking and talking. He's not even 2 yet! It's all going by so fast and I can't help but wonder, what will he be like when he grows up? Will he be a better person than me? I don't know. Will he be the heart-throb of Slytherin? Will he even be in Slytherin? There are so many questions, and he has the answer, just unknown. I have also officially moved out of my parents' house and into an apartment with Anna and Ciaran. I got to go now.

Draco.

November 7th, 2001  
Hey,

Being a father is so taxing. Can you believe my little Ciaran is already three. It's amazing how the time flies when you're a parent! He scared me so badly today. We went clothes shopping today for Anna, and he just wandered off. I couldn't find him anywhere and all different thoughts like he's been abducted or he ran away. I ran everywhere searching for him. I just couldn't find him, until he jumped out at me from inside the racks of hangers. He saw I was a little frightened and he giggled and laughed. "That wasn't funny! Don't you run off like that again!" I saw his lower lip pout and his eyes get sad and droopy. "Sorry Pa-pa," He said looking down. "I won't do it again." I couldn't bear to see him sad so I gave him a huge hug and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to lose you." I felt him nod against my shoulder. So then we started to play a game of hide and seek in the store, hiding in clothes racks and such. That was until Anna saw us, laughed, and then headed to the cashier.

I'm tired now and should get some sleep. Good night.

Draco.

February 15th, 2002  
Hey,

It's weird. Ciaran had his first magic rush today. Normally I believe it starts at what age six. It might just be a fluke. You know the false starting. He is so afraid of this dog that lives downstairs. I think it's either a German Shepherd or a Rottweiler, I don't know which one it is. But I was outside fixing Anna's car because she says she's crap when it comes to mechanics. But one moment the tree outside was empty and swinging in the breeze, and the next second Ciaran was in it. He looked down at the ground and started screaming for someone to help him down. "It's ok Ciaran. Just climb down the way you got up," I called to him from the base of the tree. "No, Papa! I just appeared here after hearing that dog bark! Please help down," He pleaded in the sweetest voice I could ever hear. So I climbed up the tree to help him down. Since we live in a muggle neighborhood, I can't use magic unless it's at work or in the house. Nowhere else, other than wizard hangout places, or Blaise's. Blaise is Ciaran's godfather and Ciaran just loves to go over to his house and play. I gotta' go now.

Draco.

_Can't You see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly,  
Afraid to lose control.  
Cause everything that you thought I would be,  
Is falling apart,  
Right in front of you._

Caught in the undertow,  
Just caught in the undertow.

Every step that I take  
Is another mistake to you.  
And every second I waste  
Is more than I can take.

I've become so Numb  
I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired,  
So much more aware.  
I'm becoming this.  
All I want to do,  
Is be more like me  
and be less like you!

Lucius sat in his study, reading his son's diary. Draco had been acting so weird around his parents since shortly after receiving this gift four years ago. Draco had left it on a visit here the day before and he would be coming back around seven o'clock to retrieve it.

Lucius, being the curious person he is, decided to read it. What were the secrets his son didn't want to tell him? It would seem unlikely that Draco would ever keep secrets from him, until he started to get really skittish and jumpy around his father. Lucius was certain that he would find the answer in this journal. Why else would Draco move out for no apparent reason?

So Lucius sat at his desk, with his reading glasses on while he read on. Then he read the eleventh entry and his eyebrows furrowed. 'Draco had a crush on a muggle? My son, Draco, had a crush on some muggle!? Is this the same person?' Lucius thought. Though he doubted that it was his son, because it was so unlike him, he knew that his son had written this. That this handwriting had belonged to none other than Draco. He decided to read on to see if this relationship had lasted.

As he read on, he shortly realized that this relationship had still been going on. He was infuriated when he found out that they had gotten married Five years ago. But he was overcome with the most hell-fire rage when he read that he was a grandfather to a half-blood. He couldn't believe it. 'This is all just a bad dream. This isn't happening,' he told himself over and over again. Then he did the all knowing test of dreaming or not. But he thought he'd look ridiculous pinching himself. So he picked up his letter opener and stabbed his right hand. Not a lot. Just a poke. It did hurt he had to admit, and he started bleeding. It was all real. He decided that this had gone on long enough, So he decided that he would terminate the relationship in the worst way possible. He decided to kill Anna and this little kid, Ciaran.

Blaise had been visiting Anna and Ciaran today at their apartment. It was about two o clock when he left their place. On his way out to a private alleyway where he could apparate, He had a lingering feeling that he shouldn't be leaving just yet. But he was able to push it aside. He was already across the parking lot when he heard the sound of apparation. That really loud resounding pop. He turned around knowing where it was coming from. He thought that Draco had known better than to apparate in a muggle area. That was until he saw the green flash through the window. Someone in the apartment he was just in was murdered, and he had to do something about it.

Draco was at his desk in his office working on some figures that needed to be finished and given into his boss's , Hermione's, office. He had his cell phone placed on his desk next to his picture of Anna, Ciaran, and himself playing in a thing of leaves in the park. They all looked happy dancing around in the leaves. This was a moving picture, unlike the ones at home. It was only taken a month ago, April 21st, 2003. There was a small note written on the back of it saying that whatever happened, they would always be there. Ciaran tried to sign his own name on it. His C and R were backwards and the N had a huge hump. The dot on the I was a scribbled mess, and his A's had little tails. He was only four, so Draco didn't expect his writing to be perfect just yet. Yet looking at the little note on the back always made him happy and content to get his work done for the day.

Then his cell phone rang. He looked at the number. "Home," it said. So he flipped it open. "Hello?" he asked.

"Draco, he's here? Help us!" he heard Anna say over the line. He feared the worst.

"Wait, what? Who's there?" he asked quickly.

"No please!" Anna pleaded. It was definitely not for Draco.

Then he heard the words he never wanted to hear. And the voice he never wanted to hear around his family. "Avada Kedavra!" he heard his father hiss, and he heard his son screaming, on the other end of the phone. Then the line cut off.

"Anna?" he asked first quietly. Then, "ANNA!!!!!! AAANNNNNNAAAHHHH!!!!!!!" He jumped out of his chair and apparated to his apartment. He ran to their bedroom and saw Anna's body sprawled out on the floor. She had been hiding in the closet. Their house phone was still in her outstretched hand. Her long, silky brown locks construed over her face. Her eyes were open and lifeless. you could see tear stains down her cheeks. Her skin was just starting to lose its body temperature. He bowed down to the ground and started to cry. The love of his life had been murdered by his own father. He didn't want to see his son dead. He knew he would if he looked any further though.

After he cried his heart out and dried his tears. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed the number for the aurors. Harry Potter answered. "Hello?" he heard on the other end.

"Hi, Harry," Draco replied. "I need you to come down to 151 Wellington Boulevard, York. My wife called me at work and was murdered in the middle of the call."

The other end was quiet for awhile, then he heard, "I'll be over there with a team in a second."

And he was. They investigated and questioned Draco. Draco stayed with them until four when he was released. He didn't tell them who murdered her. He wanted to kill his father himself. He apparated to the Malfoy Manor, where he knew his father was hiding. His mother opened the door for her son.

"Hello, Draco, you're early," his mother smiled.

Draco had a murderous face and tone of voice when he asked, "Where is he?"

His mother's face fell when she heard him. "I'll go get him for you," she said quietly. She left for a couple minutes then she was back. And Lucius was at her side with his wand out but not pointed.

_And I know,  
I may end up failing too.  
But I know,  
You were just like me,  
With someone disappointed in you._

I've become so Numb,  
I can't feel you there.  
Become so tired,  
So much more aware.  
I'm becoming this.  
All I want to do,  
Is be more like me,  
And be less like you.

Draco had pointed his wand at his dad. "You killed them!" he accused.

"You married a muggle and had a child, secretly. What did you expect I'd do when I found out?" Lucius asked.

"Disown me," Draco replied.

"Legally I can't, but now I wish I could," Lucius said. "Why did you do it anyway? Was it your form of rebellion, what? You were willing to give up everything for that piece of trash?"

"She was not a piece of trash! She was my wife for Merlin's sake!" Draco yelled. They hadn't noticed Narcissa was trying to become one with the wall.

"She was a muggle, Draco. There is no excuse for your behavior about this. Only a few years ago, you would have agreed with me on this matter. You were going to be just like me," Lucius said.

"I never have been, and I never will be like you!" Draco yelled.

"It's a pity you won't see your half-blood son again!" Lucius shot at him. He knew he was losing Draco, so he needed something to hurt him badly first.

That although did hurt Draco. It made him even madder and stronger for the three of them. "Crucio!" Lucius writhed on the floor because of the pain. "Crucio!" Draco kept his father's torture up until it was obvious his body could handle very little more. Then Draco walked up to him and leaned into his ear. "I hope you rot in Hell for an eternity, you worthless piece shit, son of a bitch!!" Draco let those words ring in his father's ears for a couple seconds before pointing his wand at him for a final time. "Avada Kedavra!!" he yelled. There was a huge blast of green light, and then a thud on the floor.

Narcissa ran over to Lucius's body and cried. "Lucius. Oh, my love, Lucius," she moaned. Then she looked to her son. "Are you happy now? Are you even?!" She yelled as she got up and marched over to him. "Are you?!"

"We will never be even," Draco said looking at his mother with sad eyes. "If he died a thousand deaths, then maybe. It depends on how painful they are."

Narcissa looked at her son as if he were a stranger. "What happened? What changed you? I barely even know you anymore."

"He killed my family. That's what happened. and I won't take back anything that I said about him, or feel sorry for killing him." Draco replied.

Narcissa looked into his eyes to see if there was any sorrow for Lucius. She saw none. "Get out of my house," she said in a low deep set growl. "You heard me, Get out! Be Gone! I won't allow strangers in my house!"

Draco sat in his apartment, watching little home videos of his family. One that was gone forever. His wife had been filming their son decorate the Christmas tree two years ago.

"The ornaments are supposed to go on the tree, honey," Anna told two year-old Ciaran. He had been pulling them off the tree the entire time and handing them to Draco, who would then proceed to put them back on the tree.

"Look a' this'sa one Pa-pa," Ciaran said as he handed Draco a red Criss Cringle ornament.

"I know, Isn't it pretty?" Draco asked. Little Ciaran nodded his head, a head that h would've had to grow into, but not really anymore. "Thank Ciaran." Ciaran then turned around and waddled to the camera.

"Hi, Mama." Ciaran said to the camera waving. Draco heard the door open and shut. He looked over and saw Blaise. He was now aware of the fact that he was crying. he dried his eyes and looked over at the clock. 10:00.

"Hey, Blaise, what brings you here so late?" Draco asked trying to be polite.

Blaise smiled a little. "I thought you might want this back," Blaise said push someone out from behind him. It was Ciaran. Draco couldn't believe his eyes.

"How did you...?" was the only thin Draco could manage.

"I apparated and got him before you father could get to him," Blaise replied smiling. Draco was smiling too.

"Papa?" Ciaran asked. "Papa!" Ciaran ran to his dad who had knelt down on the floor. They embraced each other in a huge hug.

"Thank you." Draco mouthed to Blaise.

"Anytime," he mouthed back.

"I thought I lost you, Papa," Ciaran wept.

Draco smiled at his son and wiped away his tears. "We will never lose each other again."


End file.
